Be'chol Lashon Update 9/09/04
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Africans to Protest MASS MURDER in Sudan at UN Plaza on 9-12
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IF YOU ARE IN THE AREA ON SUNDAY...JOIN THIS IMPORTANT PROTEST
Africans to protest Jihad mass murder in Sudan at UN Plaza. Sept. 12.
Africans from Sudan - both Christian and Muslim - will gather at the UN Plaza at noon on Sunday, Sept. 12 to protest the slavery and slaughter of blacks by the Arab, Islamist regime in Khartoum. The genocide continues in Darfur, Western Sudan, where African Muslims are being murdered, disposed and abducted by Arab militia armed by the National Islamic Front regime. Joining the Sudanese will be African Muslims from Mauritania, who are also oppressed, disposed and enslaved by the Arab regime in their country.
Speakers include American rights activists from left to right:
- Gloria Steinham, founder of Ms Magazine, will speak of the ongoing mass rapes in Darfur.
- Curtiss Sliwa of the Guardian Angels will speak of the Jihad in Sudan, which resulted in the deaths of 2 million Africans.
- Alan Hevesi, Comptroller of the State of New York and a long time ally of the anti-slavery effort in Sudan, will also speak.
- Africans, Muslims and Christians, leaders of resistance movements from Darfur, South Sudan and Mauritania, will speak.
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L’Shana Tova from the Be’chol Lashon Community
Dear Be’chol Lashon,
Just sending a warm greeting for the New Year to you and your family; and to the B’chol Lashon’s community.
L’shanah Tova Tikotevu
Davi Cheng
President, Beth Chayim Chadashim, Los Angeles
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May the blessings of the New Year be upon you and your families and
friends.
L'Shanah Tovah,
Rabson Wuriga, The Lemba Jews of South Africa
Find a High Holiday Service with No Membership Required
A new Web site is designed to make it easier to find an inspirational and understandable High Holiday service. NoMembershipRequired.com lists High Holiday services in 50 cities across the United States, many of which don't require seating fees or knowledge of Hebrew.
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The 2004 Parliament of World’s Religions
A Report from Dr. Ephraim Isaac and Rabbi Capers Funnye
The Institute for Jewish & Community Research sponsored Dr. Ephraim !saac and Rabbi Capers Funnye to attend The 2004 Parliament of World’s Religions conference in Barcelona, Spain from July 7 – 14, 2004. Below is a report from both participants about the conference.
Rabbi Funnye and I participated in the Parliament of World’s Religions 2004, sponsored by the Be'chol Lashon and the Institute for Jewish & community Research. In 1993, the American Jewish Congress of Chicago invited me to be a member of the Chicago and US delegation to the First (Second) Parliament of World’s Religions after one hundred years of such a gathering. I also attended the Second (Third) Parliament as a member of the Jewish delegation.
At the 1993 Parliament of the World’s Religion in Chicago, the Assembly included nearly 200 respected and influential persons from the world’s religious and spiritual communities. In 1993 the Parliamant issued a document titled, Towards a Global Ethic: An Initial Declaration, that was a result of our dialogues.
At the 1999 Parliament in Cape Town, the Assembly issued A Call to Our Guiding Institutions — addressing religion, government, business, education, media, science, organizations of civil society and international intergovernmental organizations — to consider and re-orient their respective roles regarding the critical issues facing the world today.
The theme of the Parliament in 2004 was – Pathways to Peace: the Wisdom of Listening, the Power of Commitment. As before, the current world situation — and the need to foster inter-religious dialogue and cooperation — was central. The Assembly was held prior to the general mass gathering of the Parliament, which was attended this year by about 8,000 people from diverse religious parties and communities and other interested institutions, including even the World Bank.
I was again invited as a Jewish delegate to participate in the small Assembly of religious leaders, held from July 5-7, 2004, at the famous Montserrat monastery in close proximity to Barcelona. The small Montserrat Assembly that consisted of some 250 religious leaders from all over the world focused on four issues that are currently considered of international importance:
- Improving the plight of refugees;
- Canceling international debt for developing countries;
- Overcoming violence, religiously motivated or targeted;
- Increasing access to clean water.
I chose to participate in the section that dealt with overcoming violence, because I felt that this is an issue religions can more particularly deal with more directly. I arrived at Montserrat on July 4, 2004. The three-day Assembly was a gathering of “religious and spiritual leaders, scholars, activists and practitioners, grassroots inter-religious organizers, representatives of the world’s other guiding institutions, and young people, in order to consider the role and contribution of religion and spirituality to a better world.”
The members considered model new ways for religious and spiritual communities to work together with non-religious institutions. It was the intention of the Council that this process of community building and creative engagement in Montserrat Assembly will be repeated four times during the mass Parliament event itself with a wider range of participants addressing each of these designated issues.
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Subsequently, under the auspices of Be’chol Lashon, I attended the mass Parliament gathering in Barcelona held July 7 - 13, with Rabbi Funnye of Chicago to participate on a panel discussion on July 12th on Jewish diversity entitled “The Global Face of Judaism”. I gave a talk on general Jewish diversity with focus on Ethiopian Jews.
The 2004 Parliament featured over 400 lectures, workshops, symposia, and performances exploring matters of religious identity, inter-religious dialogue, and opportunities for shared action. I think our panel is one of the more serious ones.
In my talk, I extended Rabbi Funnye’s and my thanks for the support they gave us to attend the Parliament. I then spoke about the Place of Jews in Ethiopia and the Black world. I analyzed certain Biblical phrases, referred to legends and history, as well as attestations from linguistic and literary sources as to the place of Black Jews in Jewry and their role in Judaism. The talk was taped by the Parliament. At the end of the panel discussion several questions were raised, many directed at me, including one in Catalan about the beatification of Isabella, which I fortunately figured out and even translated for the audience although I gave the answer in English.
The response to our Panel was very positive and a letter that I received from the Parliament summarizes the point:
“I wanted to write to say once again what a pleasure it was meeting you in Barcelona and I'm glad that we had the chance to sit down, even briefly, during the Parliament. I have been telling people that of the high points of the Parliament, seeing the "Global Faces of Judaism" panel come together with the level of discourse (from the panelists and the audience) that it had was immensely gratifying… I very much hope that we will have the chance to work together again in the future... " (Zach Pall, May 26, 2004)
As the Parliament correctly says, now more than ever the world needs the vision and commitment of people of faith, spirit and goodwill. I believe the Parliament can play a crucial and central role in inter-religious understanding and promoting peace and tolerance throughout the world. But the organization needs better structure, well thought-out agenda, and skilled leadership knowledgeable in world affairs and global cultures.
In conclusion, I again thank the Be’chol Lashon for its concern and support of my work and Rabbi Funnye’s.
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The Parliament of the World’s Religions works to cultivate harmony among religious and spiritual communities and to foster their engagement with the world and its other guiding institutions in order to achieve a more peaceful, just and sustainable world.
History
The Parliament of the World’s Religions held its inaugural event as part of the Columbian Exposition in 1893 held in Chicago, Illinois. This historic gathering is widely regarded as the beginning of the interreligious movement worldwide.
At the next Parliament that was held in 1993 in Chicago, Illinois eight thousand people from around the world came together for a centennial Parliament celebration to foster harmony among religious and spiritual communities and to explore their responses to the critical issues facing the global community. I had the opportunity to attend several sessions of this Parliament and found I was very enlightened by the presentations which I attended.
In 1999 the Parliament convened in Cape Town, South Africa to promote interreligious dialogue and cooperation and call the world’s attention to the powerful role that religious and spiritual communities played in the struggle against apartheid. The climax of this gathering was an address given by the honorable Nelson Mandela, President of South Africa.
The 2004 Parliament was held in Barcelona, Spain and there were over twenty thousand people from around the world in attendance. The theme of the Parliament was; Pathways to Peace: The Wisdom of Listening, the Power of Commitment.
The Event
The 2004 Parliament of the World’s Religions had several areas that the organizers wanted to cover; to deepen our spirituality; foster mutual understanding; learn to live in harmony; to recognize the humanity of the other; to seek peace, justice, and sustainability; and to actively work for a better world.
There were over four-hundred sessions held in every religious faith from around the world, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Buddhist, B’hai and Judaism. I was invited to participate in two discussions related to the Jewish community. “The Global Face of Judaism” a panel that included Rabbi Henry Sobel, the Chief Rabbi of Brazil; Shlomo Alon, Vice-Chair of the Interfaith Encounter Association from the State of Israel; Dr. Ephraim Isaac, Head of Semitic Studies Department at Princeton University and a native of Ethiopia; and myself. Each participate had the opportunity to present a fifteen minute talk on their experiences and interactions with other communities of Jews.
For the first time in my life, I found myself in the position to present the views of the Black Jewish community on a world stage. The opportunity to speak to a very large international audience about my experience as a Jew of color was exciting and humbling at the same time. I was humbled because of the opportunity to participate on such a distinguished panel and excited because of the wonderful response to my presentation received from the other panelist and the audience.
The second panel in which I participated was on “Between Jewish Pluralism and Post-Denominationalism: A Jewish Roundtable” was interesting because the other panelist basically spoke about the level of acceptance of the different denominations of Judaism throughout the world. I had to say in all earnestness that the Black Jewish community is not apart of any of the major movements in the United States. I found Rabbi Brad Hirschfield, of CLAL to be very forthright in his comments, and Rabbi Henry Sobel of Brazil seemed to waver when I asked him about conversion in Brazil of the Black Brazilians who are not able to freely convert to Judaism in Brazil. Rabbi Hailu Paris came to Brazil twice and each time he could not get a meeting with Rabbi Sobel. After that conversation Rabbi Sobel invited both Rabbi Paris and me to Brazil.
Dr. Isaac and I also went to Shabbat services at the first synagogue to open in Spain, since the Spanish Inquisition in 1492. The Israelite Synagogue was opened in 1957. It was my first time being in a synagogue where I was not an invited speaker that not only didn’t anyone question my being Jewish, the Rabbi of the synagogue asked if I was a Kohen or Levite. It was truly a beautiful Shabbat and one that I shall remember for a long time to come. After services the vice-president of the synagogue invited Dr. Isaac and me to his home for lunch.
As we lunched, I learned that there are only about 10,000 – 12,000 Jews in all of Spain today and that less that twenty percent of them maintain a kosher diet. It was interesting to learn that a reform temple recently opened in Barcelona and that Chabad also had a rabbi serving the community. As I reflected on my synagogue visit, I wonder if perhaps because there are so few Jews in Spain, that when a Jew of any color comes into there midst, that he/she is welcomed as a Jew. Maybe one day the time will come when I am just visiting a city and attend Shabbat services, that no one here will ask me if I’m Jewish.
I want to thank the Institute of Jewish & Community Research for sponsoring my trip and allowing me to put the Israelite community on the world stage.
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Young Jerusalemites Experience Ethiopian Jewish Culture
On a rooftop overlooking the Jerusalem skyline the traditional clothing, music and culinary tastes of Ethiopian folklore were explored by the over 200 people who showed up to experience traditional Ethiopian life last Thursday. The event attracted a mix of young Olim (immigrants to Israel), veteran Israelis, young and old, experiencing the depth of the culture of another segment of Israeli society for the first time.
Ethiopian cuisine is based on lentils and beans and is accompanied by pancake-like `Injera' bread. The event was organized with the help of the Aliav Foundation - a group of event planners who wish to create socially conscious events
for young professionals to enjoy and meet one another.
"It was culturally uplifting," said Liora Katz, a new immigrant from South African who said the evening brought back memories from her own African roots. "It also made me realize the important work organizations such as Machshava Tova are doing in Israel," she said. Machshava Tova provides professional education and training to advance higher education by promoting the intelligent use of information technology. The centers mainly target teenagers and adults in
underprivileged communities who seek to improve their education and increase their chances to find a better job.
Machshava Tova has started the first of its three centers in the Talpiot neighborhood in Jerusalem where more than 100 people, mostly Jews from Ethiopia, use the center every week. "I am very excited by the success of the event and the great feedback we got from everybody," said Astorre Modena, Founder and Chairman of Machshava Tova. Modena says the goal of Machshava Tova is to help the Ethiopian Jews and other immigrant communities, integrate into Israel's modern society.
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Harlem’s Ethiopian Renaissance
For one recent day, Ethiopian Jewish culture was front and center in Harlem, long considered the cultural hub of black America. The hallways of the Faison Firehouse Theatre on 125th Street reverberated Aug. 15 with the sound of young Ethiopian women speaking Hebrew with Israeli accents, Rastafarians chatting with the melodic flow of the Caribbean, and African-Americans with their New York tones, all learning about Ethiopian Jewish culture.
The diverse crowd of approximately 100, old and young, came together for the first NYC Sheba Film Festival, a project of the newly formed Beta Israel of North America Cultural Foundation, an organization dedicated to promoting the heritage and culture of Ethiopian Jewry. “We are very happy with the outcome of the event,” said Beejhy Barhany, an Ethiopian Jew who emigrated here from Israel six years go. When people think of Ethiopia they see “hungry and starving people,” not the “rich history” she is so proud of, she said. Barhany founded BINA to change that perception. “Our community is small but expanding,” she said, estimating that nearly 500 Ethiopians Jews live in New York. She added that she wants to reach out to other black and Jewish groups throughout the city.
The all-day festival featured four films, in Hebrew and Amharic with English subtitles, about Ethiopian life in Israel and their assimilation into Israeli society. The festival also featured an art and photo exhibit of Ethiopian life, and a lecture by Dr. Ephraim Isaac, president of the Yemenite Jewish Federation of America and director of Semitic studies at Princeton University. Isaac stressed the importance of understanding Ethiopian Jewish culture, for a better understanding of Judaism in general. “Are Ethiopian Jews Jewish?” asked Isaac. “That question can be asked about every Jew from any place. Are Polish Jews Jewish? Are Russian Jews Jewish?”
Between films, attendees got a taste of Injara, a staple in the Ethiopian diet, closely resembling pita, and the Ethiopian Coffee Ceremony, a ritual that brings the Ethiopian family together several times a day. A woman wearing a Kamis, an Ethiopian traditional robe, served the coffee, a bitterly sweet concoction, in small glass cups, all while incense and Ethiopian music filled the air.
The next BINA event will be a Chanukah party at the JCC of Manhattan, 334 Amsterdam Ave. For more information call (646) 505-4412.
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Sometimes Fun, Often Frustrating, Ulpans Unite Multiethnic Immigrants
It is a rite of passage for all new immigrants to Israel. It is perpetually rigorous and only intermittently uplifting. It can make one feel as if he or she has been demoted to kindergarten, where simple nouns like “tomato” and “toothbrush” seem elusive and out of reach. It is the Israeli ulpan. Most new Israeli immigrants take part in an ulpan, a government-sponsored Hebrew language seminar that is often a five-month, five-days-a-week, five-hours-a-day experience. The intense immersion-type philosophy utilized in these courses is designed to have students engaging in normal Israeli activities — like debating politics with cab drivers — as quickly as possible.
When I first arrived in Israel, I felt like it took a strong act of faith to pack up my life and start fresh in the Middle East. But I realized very early into my ulpan experience that I needed an even greater faith in order to believe that I could actually become literate in a language that is in every way the opposite of my native tongue. Thankfully, I was not alone in my idealism. More than 200 young adults from 28 different countries — all with our own accents and cultures — came together at the Jewish Agency for Israel-run Ulpan Etzion in Jerusalem to express this faith. Inside of all of us was a voice stronger than reason telling us that one day we would explain to our grandchildren, in Hebrew, why we had come to Israel.
My class, which had about 35 students, was particularly eclectic. There was Elchanan from Brazil, Danny from Argentina, Sharon from Iran, Galyia from Russia, Ya’akov from France and Victor from Uruguay. We all brought with us not only our native languages, but our own foreign customs as well. During class time, one might have thought our accents were the only things separating us, but during breaks the differences became much more apparent. As all the classes filed out to the parking lot, everyone separated again into his or her own language and culture.
The Argentines seemed to always be drinking from strange wooden cups with metal straws attached. They would pour hot water over a pile of ground herbs that to me tasted like a hot, canned spinach shake. The French all had different-colored Converse sneakers and cigarettes, which they elegantly waved around in their hands, looking like they were still sitting in Paris cafes. The Russians, especially the women, always seemed to be laughing about one thing or another. After growing up under the eyes of the Communists, I guess one has to develop a good sense of humor.
And of course there were the Americans, who only made up a small percentage of the students. They were mostly ex-yeshiva guys who sat on the benches drinking coffee and studying Talmud with their peyos, or sidelocks, flapping around in the breeze. Just as quickly as we would stream out into the parking lot, we would flow back inside and break off into our classes again. Our teacher was Mazal, an older, sweet-faced woman originally from Morocco who had grown up in Jerusalem. Every day she would welcome us with a warm “boker tov,” or good morning, and patiently lead us through the curriculum of grammar, vocabulary, newspapers and radio news broadcasts.
But not long after the class began, we started to realize that Mazal’s lesson plan for learning Hebrew included some unique strategies. For one, the constant change in temperature of the political climate served as our daily lesson in Hebrew conversation. When the U.S.-sponsored “road map” fell apart, we learned to yell at each other like real Israelis. By the time Israeli Prime Minister Ariel Sharon’s Gaza disengagement plan was announced, we were fluent enough to really delve into the issues, and really get on each others’ nerves. Meanwhile, Mazal would sit back and orchestrate the symphony of comments, giving more air time to those opinions that reflected her own views.
Another distinctive part of Mazal’s curriculum was her platform of health and personal safety concerns. She used her position to act as a collective Jewish mother for us all, the kind who gave advice that, many times, had no basis either logically or scientifically. In addition to Mazal’s desire to mother us, she was energized with a strong faith in our ability to master Hebrew. She talked often of old students she’d run into the open air Jerusalem market, and how happy she was to see how beautifully they spoke Hebrew.
A few alumnae even came into class to present different projects they were working on since leaving ulpan. The message was clear: Learning Hebrew was possible, we just had to keep the faith. Many days I felt like learning Hebrew could fondly be compared to hitting my head against a rock. I can’t count how many times I referred to Mazal in the masculine, or made embarrassing mistakes — like confusing the word for joke, “bedichah,” with “bidikah,” the word for a medical checkup.
Still, there were moments during ulpan that kept me going, moments that offered more than simply navigating through the seven different grammatical structures. On many occasions the whole ulpan would get together for a tekes, or a ceremony. For Passover we held a mock seder, where every class had a designated part where they would present and explain different traditions. When it came time for the four questions, the piano started and everyone joined in together in song. In that moment, all 200 people from 28 countries came together as one voice.
Regardless of how far we had traveled to get to Israel, how much or how little Hebrew we knew, or how religious or secular we were, the four questions united us all in one song, once voice, one language that we all knew not only with our minds, but with our hearts. Moments like this expressed the greatest faith of all. After so many years of being scattered around the world, we indeed had come home to Israel. For so long this was the impossible dream, yet our ancestors still kept their faith. And if after all this time we all can now live the dream of life in Israel, then learning Hebrew really only needs a small spoonful of faith.
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New Book: Lodz Ghetto Album Photographs by Henryk Ross
Photographs selected by Martin Parr and Timothy Prus
Text by Thomas Weber with a foreword by Robert-Jan van Pelt
Retail price UK£24.95/US$39.95
Historically compelling photographs of life in the Lodz ghetto in Nazi occupied Poland, 1940-1945, many previously unpublished.
“In terms of its scope, all other photographic records of ghetto life pale in comparison… [these photographs] have the potential to revolutionize our understanding of ghetto life…”
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Thomas Weber, from his Introduction
"By turns poignant and deeply shocking, a unique historical document, as well as a crucial body of evidence"
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Sean O'Hagan, from his review ofthe exhibition in The Observer (July 18th 2004)
In the spring of 1940, the German forces occupying Poland drove the Jews of Lodz into the Holocaust’s second-largest and most hermetically-sealed ghetto. It functioned both as a sweatshop serving the German war effort, and a prison for Jews en route to the death camps of Chelmno and Auschwitz. Self-governed by its Council of Elders – with its own police force, currency and postage stamps – its leader was the notorious Chaim Rumkowski. He complied with Nazi orders, believing that the value of Lodz’s labour might secure survival for the majority. History proved him decisively wrong: 95% of the ghetto’s inmates perished. Those who survived starvation rations, disease and prior deportations were removed to the gas chambers of Auschwitz when the ghetto was liquidated in 1944.
Henryk Ross was a photographer employed by the ghetto’s Department of Statistics who kept a clandestine diary of ghetto life in powerful and often brilliant images. When the ghetto’s liquidation began, he buried them. A survivor, he dug them up after the war, releasing many that were to become icons of the Holocaust’s atrocities. But he released only a minority of the pictures during his lifetime. After Ross’s death in 1991, his archive – the most extensive collection of ghetto photographs by any single photographer – was acquired by the Archive of Modern Conflict in London.
This book is the first independent look at the entirety of Ross’s ghetto photographs. Many of the images are what we expect – searing documents of the machinery of the Holocaust and the suffering of its victims. But other ‘private’ photographs reveal ‘life in the ghetto, with happiness sometimes’, as Ross states in his catalogue, showing aspects of a ‘privileged’ life – lovers in the park, children’s birthday parties, bodybuilders posing for the camera. Most troubling are photographs of the milieu of the ghetto police – including parties, Rumkowski’s chief of police with his rabbits, and a plump boy dressed in a ghetto police outfit ‘playing’ at herding other children in the manner of a deportation. These photographs have never been published before, nor anything like them. Together with the ‘public’ photographs, and the knowledge that almost everyone depicted perished in the Holocaust’s gas vans and chambers, they add an unexpected, complex and poignant dimension to the photographic record of the ghetto. And they demand a reassessment of how we understand its social order.
The photographs have been selected in 2003 by Martin and Parr and Timothy Prus, from the ‘Henryk Ross Collection of Lodz ghetto photography’, acquired by the Archive of Modern Conflict from Henryk Ross’s son in 1997. The selection of photographs was based on their interest and merit as photographs, rather than of any specialist historical knowledge. Photographs were selected from new contact sheets made from the surviving 3,000 negatives, many bearing the scars of damage that results from their being buried in the ghetto. No attempt has been made to enhance or repair the photographs for publication (unlike all prior reproductions of the work). Most of the remaining photographs remain unprinted.
Henryk Ross did not catalogue his negatives until 1987. The photographs selected have been captioned wherever possible with captions from this catalogue, translated from the original Polish. Where no captions exist in Ross’s catalogue but the photograph was captioned in Ross’s 1960s book The Last Journey of the Jews of Lodz, a caption from The Last Journey is quoted. Additional caption notes are by historian Thomas Weber.
The photographs have been sequenced into Public and Private sections within the book, distinguishing between those that Ross released during his lifetime for publication (in some cases, a similar photograph from the same sequence as one previously published). The Private photographs, as far as we are aware, have not been previously published.
Henryk Ross was born in Warsaw, Poland in 1910, becoming a sports and general press photographer first in Warsaw, then Lodz, before World War II. As a Jew, he was incarcerated in the Lodz ghetto with his wife Stefania where he became one of two official photographers, producing identity and propaganda photographs for its Department of Statistics. His duties afforded him access to film and processing facilities and he used these to create a record of the ghetto, risking his life to secretly document the deportations, hangings and other atrocities. As the liquidation of the ghetto began in 1944, he buried his archive of 3,000 negatives and other ghetto records for safekeeping. Surviving the Holocaust (as a member of the ghetto clean-up squad intact at the time the Red Army liberated Lodz), he was able to recover the archive after the war. From his post-war home in Israel, where he worked as a photographer and zincographer, he circulated images showing the horrors of Lodz, including in his 1960s book The Last Journey of the Jews of Lodz and at the trial of the Holocaust-mastermind, Adolf Eichmann. He catalogued his photographs in 1987. Ross died in Israel in 1991.
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8th International Latino Film Festival
San Francisco-San Jose-San Rafael-Larkspur-Berkeley-Sonoma-Belmont
For films, location, dates, and times go to www.latinofilmfestival.org
The festival began in 1997 in Marin County at one theater with 10 films. In 2003 it was in 7 cities, at 15 venues with 64 films. Each year the festival event has grown in attendance, prestige, and international recognition. The festival has been invited to sit at the International Council of Film Festivals. We bring U.S. premieres, films and music from Cuba, Brazil, Mexico, Spain, Central and South American countries, tributes, and celebrities in the continuing high quality tradition of our festival.
Our Youth in Video program, which inspires and teaches young minority filmmakers the art of filmmaking, received grants from the NEA and private foundations. In 2002 our Youth in Video students produced “Chavez 101” which won the SFIFF Golden Gate Award for “Best Youth Work.” This film has been selected for screening at several other film festivals in the U.S. as well as a youth festival in Athens, Greece.
Africans from Sudan - both Christian and Muslim - will gather at the UN Plaza at noon on Sunday, Sept. 12 to protest the slavery and slaughter of blacks by the Arab, Islamist regime in Khartoum. The genocide continues in Darfur, Western Sudan, where African Muslims are being murdered, disposed and abducted by Arab militia armed by the National Islamic Front regime. Joining the Sudanese will be African Muslims from Mauritania, who are also oppressed, disposed and enslaved by the Arab regime in their country.
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Gays Forging Creative Paths to Parenthood Couples Turn to Co-parenting to Build and Raise Families
Denny Smith just knew.
It was something about how Marie Wadman and Julie Ginsburg held themselves. It was the way they spoke, the way they looked. He spotted them at a meeting and felt absolutely sure -- instantaneously -- they were The Ones.
Five years later, Smith, who is gay, and the women, a lesbian couple, are raising two children together. Lucy, who's 3 and loves pink and hates wearing shoes, and Callum, a boisterous 1-year-old, live with their moms in a cheerful Victorian in Oakland. Smith, the biological father of both children, lives a few blocks away and takes the kids two days a week -- "daddy days." All three consider themselves full parents and together they make decisions about schedules, holidays, doctors, religion, education and visits from six grandparents.
"I really loved them right away and I still love them," Smith said of his instant attraction to the moms, which he likened to cruising in a straight bar. "We have a great, great situation." As the stigma against gay parenting erodes and more people take the baby plunge, the number of gay men and lesbians joining forces to co-parent is growing.
Though these kinds of creative families have existed for years, the increase is being driven by online resources, the enthusiastic example of co- parents and a greater willingness on the part of gays and lesbians to look beyond the nuclear family as a model. The common denominator is that mothers and fathers are both involved in child-rearing, but the families come in various combinations of singles and couples and share parenting in a rainbow of ways. "It's increasing by the week," said Stephanie Brill, an author of two gay parenting books and founder of an East Bay midwifery center.
Brill consults with families before preconception about everything from fertility to parenting agreements. When she went into business 12 years ago, prospective co-parents sought her help roughly once a month. Last week alone, she spoke with six sets of co-parents -- four from the Bay Area and two from other parts of the country.
"Ten years ago such family arrangements were very rare, largely because parenting by lesbians or gay men was really just starting to be a very serious and widely practiced option," said Kate Kendell, executive director of the legal organization National Center for Lesbian Rights. Initially, she said, "I think many of us modeled a more traditional family structure. Over time ... many parents have exercised different options that give them and their child a wider network of support."
Co-parents can conceive at home at no cost -- with technology no more sophisticated than a syringe or a large eyedropper -- which opens the door to people who can't afford adoption, surrogacy or other high-tech fertility options, Brill said. "And more and more men are stepping up to the plate," she said. "This is where we're going to see the change." Smith met the lesbian mothers of his dreams at a co-parenting matchmaking group in San Francisco called Prospective Queer Parents. Since the group was founded in 1991, about 15 sets of co-parents have found each other at the monthly meetings.
Smith usually has his "daddy days" on Wednesdays and Saturdays. One recent morning, he rang the doorbell at Wadman and Ginsburg's house. Callum jumped into his arms. Smith kissed him over and over.
"Little man, you look cute today," he said. Ginsburg, 35, stuffed a bag while they spoke. Cal had a rash from blueberries. Did they need swimsuits? What time would they be back? Finally the kids were buckled into their car seats and they were off to the playground in Alameda. "Bye babies," said Wadman, 42, waving from the sidewalk.
Smith is 52. He didn't feel ready for kids in his 20s or 30s, and now sometimes looks enviously at younger parents who will be in their prime when their children are adults. "This is where not being 32 comes in," he said, as he climbed to the top of the slide. Smith had been looking for co-parents for years before he fell for Wadman and Ginsburg. He arranged to have coffee with the women at Cafe Flore in the Castro. They liked each other, so they agreed to meet each other's best friends and families to "rule out the ax-murderer scenario," Smith said. They wrote out a contract -- one they haven't had to refer to yet -- addressing basic issues, such as how they would resolve conflicts.
Four months after meeting, they began trying to conceive. As they'd planned, Wadman gave birth to Lucy and then Ginsburg had Callum. Only Smith and the biological mother appear on the birth certificates -- the law only allows for two names -- but in every other way they consider themselves a three-parent family. Ginsburg, who stays at home with the kids, said she and Wadman, a tattoo artist, wanted their children to have a male figure in their lives.
"I'm adopted and I always thought it would be important to have knowledge of your biological family," Ginsburg said. "Parenting isn't what I expected, so co-parenting isn't either. Both are more intense than I expected. I think I have a warmer feeling and more of a sense that Denny is a part of our family than I might have conceptualized." It doesn't evolve so smoothly for everyone. Making important decisions when three or four people are involved can be tricky and tedious. But before parents get to that stage, they must undergo the often excruciating hunt for the right partner with whom to forge this lifelong bond.
Prospective parents typically find each other through friends, newspaper advertisements, meetings or online listings. Many describe years of fruitless searching, near-misses and mishaps such as miscarriages or infertility. John Maimone, a 37-year-old San Franciscan, eventually gave up. He had a thrilling "courtship" with one woman, but she dropped him when they got around to talking about specifics. Many women are fixed on having the lion's share of responsibility, Maimone said, and that's not what he wants. Now he's looking to adopt through surrogacy.
Daniel Owens, who has a 3- and 6-year-old with a lesbian couple, said that after his partner died of AIDS in 1994, he asked himself hard questions about what he wanted to do with his life. "I wanted something pulling me into the future," he said.
When he met the children's future moms, it was an all-out "love fest," he said. They moved ahead quickly -- in retrospect, too quickly -- and didn't put anything down on paper until after conception. They finally did sign an agreement, but only after lawyers got involved. They're all satisfied with their arrangement now, Owens said, but it was an agonizing process because he felt then that he wasn't getting what he wanted. "It was a very painful, painful time and it was not good for the pregnant mother," he said.
Legally, co-parenting arrangements occupy confusing in-between ground. Traditionally, contracts between adults can't create or negate parenthood, said Deborah Ward, an attorney who specializes in nontraditional families. Ten years ago, co-parenting contracts -- which can spell out everything from religion to baby announcements -- weren't considered legally binding. But surrogacy has thrown case law into question, and Ward now advises clients to take the contracts seriously.
In general, the law hasn't caught up with how families are being made in the 21st century, Ward said. "The biggest hurdle to these types of nontraditional families is that the courts are pretty stuck on the number two, " she said. Some California judges have granted third-party adoptions, which extend parenting rights to a third person. But most judges don't look kindly on them, arguing that they don't want to set up a child for a three-way custody battle, Ward said.
The domestic partner bill that goes into effect in California in January only muddies the legal waters. Under the new law, children born into a domestic partnership will be treated the same as a child of a marriage. But it's unlikely that will clear the way for legal three-parent families, Ward said. In light of the legal uncertainties, good communication and honesty -- the same elements that make for successful marriages -- are critical, co- parents said.
"We certainly have a lot of trust and faith in each other," Ginsburg said. "We know the kids are safe. We feel he's caring well for them and he feels we're caring well for them." When acquaintances learn of their family's arrangement, the reaction often amounts to, "Huh?" she said. But "then they think about it and in a way, it makes a lot of sense," Ginsburg said. "It's an extended family that we're creating." If their other extended families were thrown for a loop, they have long since gotten over it. "I really credit my parents for hanging in there with new ideas," Smith said. "When we all got over the strangeness, they realized what a wonderful thing it is. They have two more grandchildren and I get to be a dad."
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